We had a fantastic revision party today! We talked about various revision techniques (including talking about if we had kiki or bouba poems!). Each student chose a poem they were interested in continuing to work on and a goal for their revision. Students played with line length, simile/metaphor, and tone. We had a rousing reading afterward with lots of very dramatic drumrolling! Here are a few revisions:
My Diary
-Eshal
My diary in my hands
The papers flapping like a birds wings
The cover, blue and sparkly
Like a midnight sky ruined by stars
The pages cream laid
The glitter made it coarse
Drying my fingers as they hovered
At first, I despised it
A book was not a present
Time changed it
From book to holder of my child mind’s thoughts
Cat on a Bed
-Miranda
Alone in my home
a bundle of joy
taking up space
while breaking my joints
cracks and cracks
from my bones
A sad color of grey
in my bed, sat
lying still
not a sound to be heard
lonely in my room
quietly like a cat
Painting
-Nabiha
My old neighbor painted me
a beautiful painting
it was so thoughtful
it had two butterflies playing
around. It reminded me of us playing
in the garden when we were little
we were up so high on the swings
it felt like we were flying in
the garden. The strawberries we ate
were in the painting.
It made me so happy that I
cried. I’m so grateful she
made me this beautiful
painting.
