We had a revision party today! We started by looking at Gwendolyn Brooks’ “We Real Cool” without line breaks and guessing where Brooks might have put them. We then looked at the actual poem and line breaks. The students were so surprised there was a collective gasp! They had wonderful reflections on why Brooks might have made this choice. We then discussed the ways we could use line breaks creatively in our own work. Students chose a previous piece of theirs to revise with a specific goal in mind. We ended with a celebration of our newly revised poems.
This poet revised to try and make their line breaks as surprising as Brooks’ (or as they said “make people mad with my line breaks!”)
Spring
is the best. Ramadan
is in Spring. Eid
is in Spring. I can
smell my mom making spring rolls. I
get money on Eid. I
get food on Ramadan. Spring’s
weather is like the three bears. It’s
just
right.
Yourman revised to add similes.
Winter
–Yourman
Throwing icicles at your friends like
spears
throwing snowballs like hand grenades
drinking hot chocolate after the war.
Not going to school
watching the best thing on yourube.
Skibidi toilet.
Playing games.
Feeling sick.
Watching anime.
Mariam worked to change the sound of her words to more “bouba” or softer words and to be more specific.
Winter
–Mariam
Winter might seem
cold and not
fun but to me
it’s the opposite.
Winter for me
is full of snowball
fights 5 times a
week and building
snowballs every
now and then.
The tase of
the hot cocoa
tastes so chocolatey
and sweet. Sitting
next to the
window, watching
snow fall and
then going out
to play. Winter
is cold, but fun
and I love it.
If I’m busy,
it’s because
I’m enjoying
winter.
