It’s time to share and rewrite for week 10. Shoesmith 5th and 6th graders chose poems they wrote during the first half of our residency that they wanted to edit. Most students wanted to work on their emotion, advice, and persona poems. Together we set goals to improve our writing such as neater handwriting, adding more descriptive words, or removing unnecessary lines. Students wrote peer reviews for their classmates poems, to give helpful feedback.
Below are poems students refreshed and revised until they became shiny and new again.
Ms. Yassky’s 5th Grade
Group 1
Advice to Flower (a dog)
By Grace A.
Flower, Flower, Flower your butt stinks.
Use your pad and not the sink.
You are cute but you’re mean.
You tear up your toys and that’s obscene.
I give you love and you too.
I love my beautiful Flower you.
Emotions
by Thaddeus H.
Shyness wears a purple sweater and circle glasses.
He doesn’t like to be in crowds.
Maybe just a friend or two.
If he get’s stuck in a crowd, he tries to run.
He tries to stay quiet all the time.
Hyperness wears short sleeve shirts with shorts.
Always keeping others up.
Never can wait.
She can’t stay still for ten seconds.
Ms. Yassky’s 5th Grade
Group 2
Cupid’s Bow
By Isis C.
Ah yes, once again,
Cupid missed my heart.
I have a passion for them,
you see my heart is severely aching.
I am so in love, my eyes are hearts.
Do you understand?
I’m on cloud nine.
I don’t feel fine.
I wish it was mutual.
I wish you loved me.
I want somebody.
To fix my heart,
my broken heart.
So…
Ah, yes, once again,
Cupid missed my heart.
Love me, like I love you.
Please do, please do.
Mixed Emotions
By Rocky L.
Happiness is a shining feeling.
Everyone wants to be her.
A flurry of bright colors.
Put’s a smile on everyone’s face.
Fear is a disgusting man.
As ugly and dirty as a wild animal.
Fills everyone with anxiety.
He is a party pooper.
Anger is a fearsome man.
You can’t negotiate with him.
His opinion is always right.
You don’t wanna get on his bad side.
Rap
By Nia W.
Rap is a vibe, it makes me feel good.
Lil’ Durk is a rapper that make me
feel good about his music.
Nardo Wick is clothes.
He has a lot of drip (clothes) (shoes).
21 Savage is music, his music his fire (good).
King Von makes me vibe (dance) (hipe) to
his songs “Crazy” and “Took her to the O.”
Ghebo, his part is who want smoke,
makes me feel good about myself.
Material Girl, makes me laugh sometimes.
Lil Baby “Bestfriend,” make me feel good
about my bestfriend.
I love rappers.
They make me feel good.
Ms. Henry’s 6th Grade
Group 1
Unfortune
By Equere E.
If I were to
be the rain.
Would I understand another’s
pain? Their hatred?
Would that be considered
ignorant?
The unfairness one
has to go through.
Is that what’s called
Nature?
Is it fate? Is it cruelty?
Are we running from what’s
called “The Truth?”
Is that how life is?
Does it really have to be so cruel?
My Joy
by Dalana G.
My Joy wears a big party dress and dances and prances
around in my big brain, that is mine only.
She keeps me happy and loving to myself and others.
She always tells me to “keep calm” and “you got this,”
all the time when I do something that scares me.
My Joy keeps me up during the day and let’s someone
else take over when she is ready to clock out.
She is the reason I love myself.
She is the reason I am who I am.
My Joy is a small person, but comes
with a big ball of energy.
My Joy is mine, only mine.
Blurry Faces (Only One More Happy Face pt. 4)
By Noah O.
Nothing is real… I’m in a room with blurry faces.
This plague has been haunting me since the age
of 3.
This plague makes me quiver and shake until I fall
on my knees.
This darkness I thought was locked away has
broken free of its cage.
Achieving its emancipation, it roars with
its joy of plaguing my mind.
Making me feel detached.
This plague makes me see
Blurry faces
Ms. Henry’s 6th Grade
Group 2
Paint Me With Love
By Jamylah B.
Paint me without mess and drama.
Hey, paint me with a dad to love.
Mmm…how about paint me without anger.
You know what? Paint me with true friends.
Um…Paint me without fake friends.
Please paint me with a loving family.
Paint me without a mask, so people can see who I am.
Why don’t you paint me with happiness.
Mixed Emotions
By Taylor M.
Oh my…
My love, my emotions.
There, there mixed up.
Oh my lord.
One day I’m happy,
the next day I’m
not feeling myself.
Next day I’m stressed,
to be honest.
I don’t even know
what to do anymore.
I mean, am I even me anymore?
I don’t know how to feel.
I’m just empty inside.
Not even my family can cheer me up
Only my hamster can cheer me up.
Forever!
Beyonce
By Mariah O.
I am a grown woman
with blonde and brown hair.
I’m a mother of 3 children.
But before, I was in a group
Destiny’s child.
I love my music as well
as my fans. The music
brings me and my oldest
daughter together forever.
I love to pop, lock, and drop it.
And I’m the queen of all
my bees.
